Feb
1,000 Oceans
Various Mini-Updates:
Job: The 20% deal is all done bar signing my name to it. Having got over the initial "omigod, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life living off fish fingers and 19p Aldi soup" phase, I've entered the second section of "coping with change"; thinking of how to construct the necessary alterations in a positive and constructive manner.
The main saving that needs to be made – and various bits of motivation including this are leading up to this – is that I need to give up nicotine.
This is not something I can do straight away – for various reasons I need to get medical permission before I embark on this – but it's certainly something I can work on at the minute in terms of getting my strategy and my mindset prepared for when it actually happens; say, a month's time.
This may all sound like a pathetic addict putting off the day of reckoning, but the fact that I'm seriously contemplating this change is, in itself, progress. I am, of course, no stranger to "addiction recovery" – it's now the best part of two decades since first realizing I had to stop drinking at some point – and I know that my way is the only way to do this. You can't force any addict to give up [unless you utterly isolate them 24/7 for years and years] – you can only set the conditions in which recovery can be allowed to happen. And I think the time may soon be ripe…
Stomach: Since the bout of food poisoning pre-Xmas, and the splurge of food which the festive season always brings, I've been a lot more careful about what I put into my digestive system. And it's paid dividends. Apart from a small tempestuous event on Saturday evening – which I'm putting down to some dodgy veggiesausages – things have been brilliantly quiet on this front.
The main "loss" has been that I've cut out curries. Yes, yes, I know, it's surprising that this particular addiction has gone unsated for six weeks, but it's actually been easier than I thought.
One particular aspect of the change in diet has been the addition of a daily "bio-yoghurt" pot. Opinions on these differ wildly, and of course my subjective perceptions of their effects are invalid as evidence; the fact that they've coincided with a calm period in my digestive system may be entirely accidental or placebo. Bottom line, though; if you're not concerned about the amount of sugar syrup put into the things – and, luckily, sugar is not an addiction of mine – I figure it's at least doing no harm to put a small amount of sickly-sweet yoghurt in my system every day.
Saucy Writing: Something is brewing. It's not ready yet, I can't even tell what it is yet, but I can feel it there…
February: Always the "joker" month – it's either brilliant or crap. This year, apart from that one "down" day, it's been good so far – although one never knows what's around the corner, natch.
No V-Day cards or presents will be sent this year; and CarolineDay will, hopefully, be spent pootling around Knorwich with S. wetting ourselves over too-expensive shoes before going back to New Look, which has thankfully cottoned onto the size-9 wide-fitting affordable but doesn't-look-like-stereotype-lesbian market.
Plankton: PLANKTON!!!
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Today's Big Question: What "change" are you currently contemplating?
February 8th, 2010 at 15:42
My list of changes wanted is too long. I need to give them more womb-time, see which one want out first.
February 8th, 2010 at 17:39
Currently I'm not contemplating any. But I've 'done' some changes in the past couple of weeks…
Today I dropped Chemistry (much to the surprise of my peers who well know my competitive streak), fire+me=unhappy combination and even the chance to get ever more units can't get over that bit! (Besides biologicals and numbers are more my thang)
And I also changed my eating/drinking habits by not having college food/coffee (as much as possible). Not because it's horrid, but because the food is 90% starch and coffee comes only black or cow juiced, and the latter especially has done me no good at all in the last term. So convenience has got to be replaced with sensibility.
February 8th, 2010 at 17:46
That's great news about you giving up smoking. And you're absolutely right about the importance of making the change at your own pace and in a way that works for your circumstances. In the end, you're the one who has to do it, and if people are judgmental or stereotype you due to your history of addiction, then that's their problem.
As for my big change, I get the 'When are you going to move in with him?!' thing more and more lately, and sometimes it offends me because of the implied criticism – as if there haven't been delaying factors in the past year, like the endlessly receding surgery date goalposts, or the redundancy. (Note: I can't actually remember if you've asked me this – it seems unlikely, but if so, it's not you I'm offended by! I've just discussed it with so many people that I can't remember everyone who's said it, and I don't want to inadvertently offend someone else…!)
I'm sure people think I've been delaying the move out of fear of flying the nest, or fear of commitment, but it's been more a case of 'waiting for all the terrible enormous shocking things to stop happening'.
And now that – PRAISE CTHULHU! – they seem to have done so, I just need to steel myself to do all the scary getting-a-new-GP-and-pharmacy and learning-to-keep-track-of-ordering-repeat-prescriptions-at-the-right-time stuff.
Luckily I told the specialist nurse about the intimidatory factor of the latter jobs last week, and it turned out she grew up (and her parents still live) in the area I'll be moving to, so she knew which GPs to try and which to avoid, as well as suggesting I call the Central Services Agency to find out what my rights are.
One of her other patients had trouble getting back into his old GP's practice when he moved back after having lived elsewhere for a while (those of us with complex medical issues are just resource drains on legs from the perspective of a GP practice, health board or whatever
), but because he knew about his legal right to have a GP, he was able to challenge that. And this was an angle I'd been vaguely concerned about, but having been told that this is what the CSA is for (I had no idea what it did), and that I can do things like asking to speak to practice managers at GP surgeries to explain the kind of support I need, it's begun to feel less like trying to find soap in the bath…
February 8th, 2010 at 18:37
Like I said when we met on that rather warm day, I was astonished that you were / are a smoker. I don't know why, I just never had you down as one. I can offer no advice (therefore won't), but I wish you oodles of luck.
As for the monetary reduction thing, there's always TOAST!
xxx
February 8th, 2010 at 19:51
Ang: IIRC I've not asked you that "big question", not that I've not wondered it once or twice, but that I didn't want to put my expectations onto you both. Your own pace is the best pace for you
Thank you everybody for your support
February 11th, 2010 at 15:38
I'm contemplating a lot but it is not amounting to making any changes I'm afraid. I am trying to quieten the mind and catch up on my sleep but it sort of backfired the other day when I was awake from 2am and had to read a book till 3.30 before I fell asleep. Next day I was like a bear with a sore head.
There is always my health. We've had some news from home regarding the health of my brother (Protected post) and while I wont suffer from what he has it is at the back of your mind whether you will experience something like that but in another part of your anatomy…the least embarrassing the better.
But then I say to myself 'it's not going to happen to me' – let's hope not. x
February 14th, 2010 at 20:32
Um apart from the move 270 miles south, leaving my job and friends, changing my job (if I get a new one!) and contemplating going into education… oh, you know, not much :-/
Well done with the stomach, I too have IBS and am prone to major bouts of toilet-dependency when stress strikes. Which has been a fair bit of late, I find natural yogurt (or the bacteria in tablets) helps a lot. And I didn't know you smoked. Bad Fish! Didn't the doctor ever tell you it's a Bad Bad Thing?